She's In Denial.

31 May 2006

Haha. I slept at around 6plus this morning but woke up at 10plus. Freaking 4hours! Had my lunch and then off to sleep again. 12 plus till 4plus. haha. And I am sleepy now.

Went out for a while to have bubble tea with Suheng. He bought me a Tiger voodoo doll keychain and card holder that can perform magic. Hahaha. Interesting yeah?

So cute!!

Tiring day. 2 more days at school and I am off! =D

Left`alone
5/31/2006 10:29:00 PM™

I just came back from MOS. Crowded but fun. =D

Let me recall who I met there. First is Stephanie, Serene, then Henry and his friend, and then Zhan long. Haha. Long time no see Zhan Long and Henry! haha. What a surprise la. Henry and I are neighbours but we always see each other at places that are far away. Weird right.

But all thanks to him and his friend, both sq and I had a great time there. =) They did contribute a lot to our safety. lol. bodyguards.

First we went to explore the place, different sections with different theme; but everywhere was conjested with human beings. Then off to dance! haha. Cute leh see people dance. Moving to the beat, sway with the rhythm. Laalalalaaaaaa. Had breaks in between and played stupid games like imitation and blabla. Who lose who drink. But drink soft drink la. MOS damn strict today. No IC = no entry. And checks on everyone who wants to enter the section where alcoholic drinks are being served. So, Im still young =x hahaaa. After break, dance again. Rock, pop, blues, retro and etc. All the different genre came out. LOL. Then the 4 of us danced and imitate one another. heh. Interesting.

Btw, we went in at around 11+ if Im not wrong, and we left at around 4.30am. Cab-ed down to Tampines to have Mac breakfast and then we went home. Haha.

I've just reached home!!

Ok la. My feet hurt from the excessive walking and dancing.

Yoooooo hoooooooo. I want my 18th birthday to be in a club. =)

Left`alone
5/31/2006 06:23:00 AM™

30 May 2006

At last, TUESDAY! haha. I cant wait. Next week is holiday. =)

REMT lesson was a lil tiring. We learnt about microphones; ways of setting them up to get different effect and stuff. Then we had IDEA presentation.

I hate it when I wasn't given my own space to do things in a group. What I got is instructions instead of opinions; telling you what you do instead of the norm which is giving suggestions and being open to suggestions. Why can't I have a say in what I am suppose to do? Afterall, Im the one who's doing it. Why instructions? It dampens my mood full blast. You know how it feels when the work that was being agreed on to be done by you was rejected whole-ly, flat-down by others who says that ' it is not the correct way to do it but din't mention that it's wrong in the beginning when you've just started and when you're doing it in front of them? A waste of time and effort I can say. And those others just think that you didn't do your work at all cuz they did most of it, when the fact is that they're the one who wanted to change every part of it.

Ok. I resist it; even if it cost me all that I have.

You understand?

Whatever. I don't care now.

Going to look for inspiration for the competition. =D

MOS party. May I enjoy myself.

Left`alone
5/30/2006 06:48:00 PM™

29 May 2006

I did badly for ET. Scored a freaking 40 out of 75 when everyone scores at least a 60. I felt so out of place...

Jap test was alright. Can pass la.

Was late for keyboard skills; the first lesson. Haha. Then both me and Serene went to mac for breakfast and then off to main library to slack. So, skipped that lesson. =D clever right.

Some people are getting on my nerves. Wth.

Left`alone
5/29/2006 10:47:00 PM™

28 May 2006

OK. How can I forget to blog about the most important and significant stuff that I hav tml???!!!

ET AND JAP.

WTH.

WISH ME GOOD LUCK K.

Left`alone
5/28/2006 09:25:00 PM™

What a day! My dad woke me up early in the morning to ask me to go swimming with my cousins, and it's like 9+am =x Ok. So i decide that I shouldn't be so lazy and go with them.

Then I went to buy lunch with Yvonne, one of my cousins, and the moment I reached home, my head hit the pillow. I went to sleep. HAha. Tired what! That was about 12noon la. At about 3pm, Yvonne started to try all means to wake me up.

She pulled my pillow away, I snatched back and continue sleeping. She tried pulling my blanket away, I clinged on to it tightly. She tried pushing me off the bed, but failed. Then she tickled my feet and, ok la. She won. =x Reason for her to wake me up is that she wants me to bring her out. lol. Cute ah.

Hahaha. She's so determined. So I brought her out and we bought so many stickers and those cute cute stuff. hahaha. Girls; what do you expect?

Hehh.

Left`alone
5/28/2006 08:47:00 PM™

Went back to NASCO today and I can say, I LOVE IT! Played my pipa and thou the conductor had changed, only a small amount of members left, the atmosphere is still the same.

JIA YOU o. =)

Chatted awhile with Suheng online just now! Haha. What a surprise! He's so clever to bring his laptop along. Or rather, Im too stupid to think about it. lol.

Then out to study with dj at airport.. Kind of sleepy. Haha.

Hey. Happy Birthday.

ET and Jap test on monday. WISH ME GOOD LUCK LA.

Left`alone
5/28/2006 12:09:00 AM™

25 May 2006

Was suppose to do CD project at 9 this morning but I couldn't wake up. Haha. So I reached sp at around 9.40am with Jon accompanying me on the train since he's going sch as well. Know what happen in the end?? Mandric forgot all about it when he was the one mentioning the meet-up. So we din't do any project at all la. Lucky. =x Then went for Maths. As boring as ever.

Break time was disastrous. Haha. Saw him and maybe he never see me at all, which i doubt so cuz he's walking past me, and damn it. Feel so fuck up but few minutes later Im as happy as ever. Haha. This shows that Im over it already. =D

SOO FREAKING WORTH CELEBRATING. haha. Then Music Theory and end of school! I skipped my last lesson la. =x

Met Mich in library and we went to FC4 to borrow laptop from Ben for her to do her photoshop work. Haha. He's a pro la. And I feel so ashamed of myself. I've forgotten all that he taught me the other time. >.<

After that, I asked SQ out to get present for dj, and Im passing it to him tml.

Oh well, Music theory test!! Wish me good luck k. Haha. So boring. My lesson ends at 1 but the test starts at 4+. Free time here and there, so I shall study tml. LOL.

DMAT gonna wear smart causual tml as well! oh. I've nuttin to wear. Hahaha. Fine. I shall wear my black heels. Smart enough. =p

Someone's in Thailand now. So goooood.

Left`alone
5/25/2006 11:25:00 PM™

24 May 2006

haha. Im done with my Maths Excel work, Keyboard skill that G major thingy, a lil of jap and Music theory. Haha. I feel so gifted now. LOL. May the force be with me all the time. =)

So now I am left with REMT assignment as well as those tests to study.

Suheng going thailand tml. =x

Happy shopping la you. So goood. I envy. hahaha

TC!

Left`alone
5/24/2006 10:54:00 PM™

I wanted to skip Music Theory!! But in the end din't, and somehow I regret. =x LOL.

MUST is as boring as ever la.

Look at how fast time flies. Today's already Wednesday. Monday is approaching fast! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

I don't have much stuff to blog today.

Anyway, anyone free on 6th Jun?? Wanna accompany me to NAS' combine concert?

CO playing 5 songs! WOOOOP.

Left`alone
5/24/2006 05:59:00 PM™

23 May 2006

I bought my PUMA BAG! Yeah right. Went out with Suheng just now to get it. Suay la. The black one is either out of stock or last piece. Haha. But upon another glance, the black one seem to be too black for me. So I bought the white one instead. Hahaha. So contented now. And Im broke as well.

Ok. So now, I gotta get a nice file before my paper gets crumpled, and a decent jacket before I freeze to death.

I gotta do so much work. OMG. Stressed!

Left`alone
5/23/2006 11:00:00 PM™

22 May 2006

I din't talk much today, and everyone thought that I am depressed. HAA HAA. No la. Just that I feel sick because of headache, flu and sorethroat. That's why I didn't talk much.

Lessons were fine. All the test coming in. There will be a test on keyboard skill SOON, ET test next wk, Music Theory test this coming Friday, Jap test nxt monday. Stress up la. Let me tell you my plan. *ahemm.* Practise ET and Jap everyday. And keyboard skill on alternate days. LOL. And hey, I still have maths assignment, CD project, REMT project as well as IDEA.

At last, ET was a lil better. And I will get my puma bag tml!

CHEEKY.

lol.

Left`alone
5/22/2006 08:59:00 PM™

21 May 2006

Went swimming in the morning with Shiqin and my cousins. Haha. We had a fun time splashing water here and there! =D

Then SQ and I went to Ding Tai Fung to have xiao long bao and mango dessert. Yummy xiao long bao and mango dessert! But kind of expensive la. 20+ for that. Worth it still. LOL. Surprisingly we felt hungry still after eating it. So we went to buy crispy chicken and squid. Delicious as well but you can imagine the calories. Haha.

At around 2, she went home and I went to meet Suheng, then off we go to SimLim. I feel so sleepy la. =.='' hahaha. We walked.. almost the whole of SimLim. Then he bought something which up till now I still cant figure out what it does. lol. After SimLim, we walked to Bugis street, then Bugis Junction, followed by Icon, and then Suntec. HAha. Imagine the distance we'd walked. Long k!

Someone tried to tempt me to get the puma bag that I like. And I think that someone had suceeded. =x Now I want that bag, which cost me 60 bucks. Aiya. I want it la. So nice. =D And I wanna watch Da Vinci Code. HEE.

ET tml. Wish me goooood luck. Thanks ah. lol.

Left`alone
5/21/2006 09:24:00 PM™

20 May 2006

Im just wonder how I can help my cousin. He's been failing his maths ever since he started schooling in primary school. Maybe it is because of stress given by his parents and the fact that they are not on good terms as well.

Aiya.

How?

Left`alone
5/20/2006 11:05:00 PM™

Saturday morning and Im planning of what i can do.

Maybe I shall read the book that I borrowed, study music theory, practise ET like crazy, play with my cousin, go to the library, go out and have a walk and do my assignments.

Awwwwwwwwww.

I don't like this.

Left`alone
5/20/2006 11:15:00 AM™

I have this sudden craze - to go on a ride in a car that is running on high speed and see the surrounding going past me real fast. Zooming its way on the high way, as if nothing seem to matter anymore. I wanna feel the wind blowing gently on my face, and my hair dance with the rhythm of the night. The only sound will be that of friction; with a tinge of excitement. I want to feel the speed and understand the life of a racer. I will see myself as one. But I am not racing against my opponents. I am racing against time and memories. I win when I overcome them. I win, when the car crash. And that will be the end of everything.

End of all.

Any racer out there? Game for a ride?

Left`alone
5/20/2006 12:14:00 AM™

19 May 2006

Im done with my CIP. NO MORE CIP!

Lesson ended the earliest today. 1pm. But I got CIP all the way till abt 5pm. So tiring and Im all worn out.

Met up with Marui just now and borrowed Da Vinci Code that book from her. Sounds interesting eh. Haha. And I wanna watch that movie la! Damn it. Who wanna watch? But, im so freaking poor now. Stupid.

Left`alone
5/19/2006 10:25:00 PM™

18 May 2006

为何那时我会像小孩子一样的哭泣？泪流满面，哭红了双眼，认为世界就会因此而停止转动。
我紧抱着你，听着你对我说的每一句话，每一个誓言；个个都深深的刻在心里。
可是现在，每一个深刻在心中的美好回忆，都已变成了我在夜里默默的哭的原因。
回想起当时的苦于乐。。这一切你永远都无法了解。
你的离开让我变得非常坚强，但这股坚强却让我感到害怕。无与伦比的害怕。
现在的我，面对孤寂和可怕的沉默。你可否知道？

Left`alone
5/18/2006 11:21:00 PM™

Im just thinking.

Why life become so hectic after that? I studied every day, every minute, every second; whenever I can. Taxing. I kept myself occupied. Chatting with friends, waiting for friends in order to have someone to accompany me on the train. I did all sort of stupid things to keep myself busy.

Im bracing myself. I force myself not to cry. I force myself to get over stuff. I convinced myself that my life is better; happier. I force myself to be strong. I force myself to be brave. I force myself to accept things. I force myself to move on. I force myself to study on. I force myself to be the best. I force myself to stand. I force myself to be my old self once again.

I force myself not to dwell in the past. And I force myself to forget the pain.

I forced myself to accept reality.

I miss the beach. I miss the sea. I miss the breeze. I miss the scent. I miss the mood.

Im so down. Im so lost. Im so stressed up. Im so...

Im nt myself currently.

Im so down.

Weekend coming.. And I hate to be alone..

Left`alone
5/18/2006 09:54:00 PM™

What a long day.. First lesson was Maths. Damn confusing la. What graph thingy; the topic i hated most in A.Maths. Even our lecturer was confused by us. I told you right. My Maths lecturer is extremely cute.

For music theory, we did nothing much. Kind of waste of time i can say.

Then we had midi. Totally had no clue what to do. But luckily we came up with a song, in a short period of time k! WOw. Sounds nice, and I am going to complete it.

Went main library to do recording for REMT project. Funny la. We dropped the books, record other people's chatting, purposely bring a book out to alert the alarm. Record till 6+pm. Freaking tiring. Then off to FC4 to meet Ben, then we took the train back.

SO TIRED LA. MY SHOULDERS PAIN LIKE HELL.

sad.

Read Chuu's blog just now. So sweet. Make me miss all the sweetness.. >.<

Left`alone
5/18/2006 08:16:00 PM™

17 May 2006

Wednesday.

Midi was as boring as ever. Haha. Micheal Spicer was talking about er.. I think i have forgotten. wahahaaa. =x Excel work for Maths and we have to do an assignment. What octave unison and bla bla bla. Remind me to check the blackboard!

Music Theory was kind of slack as well. Everyone was thinking of skipping it! So bad of them. Influence me as well. Like wth la. =.=''

OH well. Now i know why he's so determined to attend the Aids Talk the other time. Cuz by attending, he'll get 2 cca points. Now i know why. Ok fine. Shall not mention it. He's no way related to me anyway. Haha. Later his buddies say I badmouth him or whatever AGAIN.

Went out just now to buy my ingredients for sandwiches that Im going to make tml, and accompanied Suheng to the doc. He fell sick suddenly! Good la. Got mc for 2 days. Haha. Hope you get well soon. The same goes to me. =x

Im still down with sorethroat and cough. And there's music theory term test and ET test in 2wks time. My doom day is approaching. HEY. Im determined to do well in ET.

BLESS ME!

Left`alone
5/17/2006 10:33:00 PM™

16 May 2006

School was tiring. Haha. Tell you guys something interesting. Serene and I are kinda 'cute'. Last week when I din't go to sch, she went. But when I go, she's absent. So throughout the whole week, I only saw her on Thurs. Funny eh?

Lesson was okay. Did editing again during REMT, and luckily nothing happen. =D

CIP was the most boring ever. Make phone calls to teachers in various school to ask them about the MILK run. Make my sorethroat even worse la.

Gave Suheng his v belated bday present just now. Went walk walk shop shop in supermarkets and he show me all the root beer, sarsi and bla bla bla. Make me crave for it only. =.=''

And because of that, I went 7-11 to buy a can of 'Bu Shuang' to drink. LOL. Felt SO SO SO contented after that.

hahaha. Funny right?

What a funny day. =D

Left`alone
5/16/2006 10:28:00 PM™

Hey friends, give me some inspiration for blogskin making!

School gonna be exciting and I gonna work very hard.

Look down on me la. I'll show you what I am capable of.

Muaahahahahhahaha

Left`alone
5/16/2006 12:20:00 AM™

15 May 2006

The bowl of porridge stayed in front of me for 1 hour; I didn't touch it at all. The sight of food makes me feel so disgusted.

So you might want to know what I did for the whole day. I've learnt how to use PhotoShop and Microsoft Frontpage to create blogskin, made a super-ugly skin with my new knowledge, did my maths homework, studied Japanese, afternoon nap-ed and ate a few slices of watermelon. My shoulders ache like hell and I am super drowsy for the whole day.

Left`alone
5/15/2006 09:10:00 PM™

Ok. My fever is back last night, and I couldn't sleep at all. Hey, it IS the fever that caused the sleepless night. Nothing else. Now I couldn't talk, speak, eat and drink; sorethroat.

But I've made up my mind to really study hard from tomorrow onwards. No matter how bad I am in ET, how lost I am in REMT, how motivation-less I am in DMAT, I will never ever get defeated.

Anyway, I just recalled something. Few nights ago, I had this weird dream. In the dream, I felt so wearied and hopeless, and someone came to comfort me but it wasn't him at all.

Yea right. I did tell you before that my dreams will tell.

Whatever; dream-o-dream-o-dream!!

Left`alone
5/15/2006 09:24:00 AM™

To think of it, it may all be fated.

Remember that day, Jackie spoilt my crystal bracelet. It is suppose to tame my temper, brings me luck and bless me with wisdom. But the moment it was spoilt, I could sense something bad happening, and that is when all these bullshits happened. Whatever. Say Im superstitious or anything. I believe in nothing else but it.

My temper got worse, Im stupid enough to do foolish things and my luck went straight down to the pit.

Well, maybe Jackie really hates me, or he knew that something bad will happen. So it might be a blessing in disguise.

OK fine. Im officially not in my right mind.

GOOD NIGHT.

Left`alone
5/15/2006 12:23:00 AM™

14 May 2006

My dearest friends and readers, tell me, what are the fundamentals of being in a relationship?

1. Love

2. Trust

3. Respect

and?

Someone, enlighten me? When all 3 are gone, what's all that remain? The answer is memories; to be faded and blown away like ashes, blending into the surrounding like dust.

It's all over between us. I've tried to hold you. I've tried doing all that I can. But all to no avail. You gave me the same old reason I heard mths back. It's totally the same. I know Im in the wrong, and I apologised for it. You said you're in the wrong too. But you merely called it all off, to ease your pain and guilt.

I love you still, as deep as ever. But it's useless. No matter what I say, you're strong and determined. Never in my life I've tried saying 'no' in such situation. You used to be part of me and my life. I still remember the past; your promises and all. Although I told you that I don't trust your promises, I do trust it deep inside me. But now no more. I feel so much of a fool again, being treated by you in such a way.

When I first ask whether you love me still, what I want is assurance; I want your answer to be 'yes', I prayed silently in my heart that it is 'yes'. But what I get in return is 'don't know'. My heart started to shatter. And your answer became a 'yes', but not to the question that I want it to be; the 'yes' was for the bye. And I blamed myself for mentioning it. Things could be better. But I knew that you wanted to say it long ago.

You lied to me just to go out with your friends. I knew it long ago. Just that this time you are not careful and I discovered it, proving me of my doubt.

It's not that I am controlling you. But you fear that I will not let you go, that's why you lie. And because of the lies, you felt guilty. And because of the guilt, you want a bye. So this is the best way out for you. But for me, it isn't.

I've lost a great support; someone who I can share my woes with and lean on when I need comfort. Even my room is filled with the memories I had with you. i can't bear to see you go, but I have to. I can't imagine it. Few hours ago I am still planning something great for you.

This is cruel.

You are cruel.

But I believe that I am strong enough to walk out of this. It's not as if I've never been through it before; literally. Just that I never suceed.

Left`alone
5/14/2006 11:19:00 PM™

I have been down on fever for 2 days, today's the second one.

It went on and off with headache in between, and terrible cramps now and then.

Im just like a child, crying and sulking whenever I am sick.

Right now, sorethroat kicks in.

Damn it.

Left`alone
5/14/2006 07:37:00 PM™

12 May 2006

It feels so good to eat home-cooked food again; especially when I am 200bucks poorer as I paid off my debt.

He lied to me just to play basketball with his friends. So to him, Im someone who is so unreasonable that he has to resort to lying in order to have a game of ball. I walked away; feeling so sad and mad. But what did he do? He called his friend and tell him that he would be going to his house. My blood pressure was low then, and I could faint anytime.

You bought back the horrible childhood memories I have.

Insult.

I feel so sick; literally sick.

Left`alone
5/12/2006 09:10:00 PM™

11 May 2006

I saw a vertically-challenged guy wearing "Milk makes you slim" tee when I was at the interchange, waiting for the bus to come.

Then something came across my mind.

"This guy doesn't seem to be drinking milk in his daily life."

Do you get what I mean? LOL. I know I am evil.

Wahahahahahahahahhaaaaaaa.

Left`alone
5/11/2006 09:29:00 PM™

10 May 2006

Hahaha. I enjoying bird nest now. =D

Today's my mum's birthday, and I bought a box of bird nest and xiao long bao for her. Heh. Hey, Im only having one bottle out of the total of 6 bottles k. And it contains ginseng. Bitter. =x

Im really working hard for DMAT. Practising for ET everyday, study REMT notes everyday, do music theory everyday! OMG. I still have Jap to study. Everyday again. Wish me good luck k.

Tension headache coming back.

Left`alone
5/10/2006 08:53:00 PM™

08 May 2006

I really have to work extra hard if I want to graduate with a diploma in music and audio tech.

Left`alone
5/08/2006 10:01:00 PM™

07 May 2006

Things do change, from what I see.

Life in poly is still okay. But I feel so distant from my friends; even to the extent that I thought I am being forgotten by them. =x

How I wish relationships don't change.

See! Im not motivated to even blog.

Nothing is catching my interest.

I feel so digusted. How I wish, again, that I can vomit all my intestines out. Grrr.

I feel so sick.

Left`alone
5/07/2006 08:02:00 PM™

06 May 2006

I don't understand why you enjoy going missing all the time.

You reminded me of the days after the break-up, where you wouldn't be there anymore. I've lost all sense of security, and chances of you giving me it again ain't high at all. I can be easily forgotten by you, from what you had shown me and from what I see.

Oh well, I just have to force myself to get used to not having you around again in order not to feel the pain, worry and fear when you go missing; routinely.

You'll always do it repeatedly.

I can't stand it.

Left`alone
5/06/2006 12:36:00 PM™

03 May 2006

It's my 203rd post. Look at how fast time flies.

You know what happened today, and you know how I feel. Of cuz, you know the reason for it.

You promised that such thing will not happen ever again. I hope you can keep your promise.

You know I luv you.

What a day. Tension headache is killing me.

Left`alone
5/03/2006 10:56:00 PM™

02 May 2006

I think Mac doesn't like me at all!

Haha.

We were doing editing during REMT. I finished mine and was kind of proud that I have done my first editing in my life, and it sounds alright to me. But this damn Mac com Im using simply refuse to let me save my editing in it. I tried saving a copy in my hard disk and one in the com itself. Freakkkk! I couldn't open both and the programme kind of hang. =x The one in my hard disk did manage to open, but it's empty. =.='' SUAY LOR. So i redo all the editing with a sian-sian-no-mood attitude. Then I tried saving it again. Everything went well, including the one in my hard disk. To double confirm that it is safely saved, I opened the folder in my hard disk and guess what I found? The previous one was working perfectly fine.

(*)&(*^&%&*&*)P^%^&()*&*^%!#$%^

AHH. Waste my time! Sad la. Mac doesn't like me.

LOL.

IDEA lesson was kind of boring. So many 'pokemon' popped out, so funny.

Left`alone
5/02/2006 04:09:00 PM™